Jessica Lunsford Blog

Introduction

I have know R.H. Jaycox (Jay), the author of Internet Profit
Pearls, for over a decade. A while back he asked me to read a
pre-final draft (don’t know how many pre-s I should really use)
of the book. Technically I don’t have a clue of what he was
talking about but,having lost money through an earlier
investment,I recognized the truth he was describing. In Chapters
4&11 he recommended writing articles for ezines as a way of
promoting a business. I wrote one, showed it to him and he liked
it. Jay suggested that I write a series from my ignorant
perspective as I try to implement the suggestions in the
“final?” draft of the book.

I’ve titled the series,”The Internet Adventures of Stupidman”
and the original piece, ” The Birth of Stupidman”.The moniker
seems appropriate as it is how I feel when I try to do something
on the computer and it seems to reflect the attitude I get from
my teenagers when I try to share my “wisdom” on any subject.

Jay said I should share a little background. This is my second
marriage. The Boss and I live with my 13 year old son,Greased
Lightning, and his 15 year old sister,Fashion Girl.

The Boss is one of those people who buys new technology before
her neighbors can spell it. (She bought a microwave oven when
they were so big they needed a separate room.) She’s been on the
internet since shortly after Al Gore invented it. She doesn’t do
sophisticated things on the internet but due to her seniority
she’s The Boss.

Greased Lightning is scary, he reads books about HTML, Java,
JavaScript, encryption (Is there a Hacking for Dummies?). His
fingers are a blur on the keyboard and his explanations are fast
and condescending.

Fashion Girl listens to music on the internet, designs art and
wardrobes, fills up shopping carts until the wheels fall off and
tries to find my credit cards.

Greased Lightning serves the function of our house dog. If
somebody passes gas and chooses not to accept the responsibility
the dog is blamed. Greased Lightning is our gaseous dog. If the
computer crashes The Boss assumes it was something caused by
Greased Lighting even if he has not used the computer in several
days.

I’m afraid to try things on the computer as I don’t want to
become the gaseous dog. It’s safer to be Stupidman.

Jay thinks there are a lot of people in the world who might have
good ideas and are also afflicted with keyboard phobia. He says
if I share my learning experiences (frustrations are more like
it) it will make the world a better place, yada yada yada. Who’s
kidding who, if you buy through my URL (Greased Lightning goes
crazy when I call it an Earl) I make $10. Remember, this idea
came from Chapters 4&11.

THE INTERNET ADVENTURES OF STUPIDMAN The Birth of Stupidman I
used to be smart. Not only did I believe it but many people
(including bosses) told me I was smart. In college I learned a
little FORTRAN and COBOL (main frame computer languages that are
probably extinct by now). In the 70’s and 80’s I was a whiz at
programming PCs in Lotus and Supercalc.

But something happened, one night while I was sleeping, the
internet was born and I became a dinosaur.

While I was not getting it, everybody else was launching dot
coms or working out of their homes for 20 minutes a day while
making bazillions of dollars. Even teenagers were getting rich!

Other than the author of Internet Profit Pearls (and he’s not
sharing), I don’t personally know anybody who has been
“successful” with internet commerce,but, from what the media
tells me it’s all the people I don’t know.

Towards the end of the dot com boom(naturally) I put some money
into a “can’t miss” “ground floor” opportunity and touted it to
friends and relatives. It missed, ended up in the basement, lost
the money and friends but at least my family has started
returning my calls.

I recently read a book, “Internet Profit Pearls”, which
belatedly explains what I, my former friends and family did
wrong and actually has some helpful suggestions as to how one
might make money on the internet without spending much money.
You can read the first few chapters for free and if you want the
entire book it will cost you $30. Some of the stuff is a little
technical but fortunately my 13 year old son understands it (now
if I could find a translator maybe I could understand what the
boy said).

The book contains fortysomething affiliate links. Most of these
links are free and each creates the possibility of an income
stream. The affiliate links are spread throughout the book. You
can actually get something for nothing.

The part I really liked; after you buy the book you can “brand”
and resell it and earn about $10 per copy and about another $5
if it gets resold(think I still have some relatives I can talk
to).

The writing of this book review came from some strategies in
Chapters 4 and 11 and has inspired me to write a series where
I,Stupidman,attempt to accomplish some technical tasks suggested
in the book.

Coming Soon: Stupidman Downloads and Copies a File Stupidman
Brands,Sends Email Attachment

The Internet Adventures Of Stupidman Will Put A Smile On Your
Face www.stupidmanok.com

WEBMASTERS AND EZINE PUBLISHERS You may reproduce this article
on your site, or link to this page, or reprint it in your Ezine.
We ask only that you reproduce the article intact, including the
resource box and that you notify us of the date and place of the
publication. mailto:stupidmansfz@yahoo.com Copyright 2002,
Skidthrough Enterprises

Palistinian President Mahmoud Abbas cleverly found a way to get a two-state resolution before the Palestinian people to move his agenda ahead while providing a way for Hamas to get off its hard-line hook

In an innovative and daring announcement, he said that if he could not reach an agreement with Hamas within ten days, he would put the referendum for a two-state solution of Palestine side-by-side with Israel before the Palestinian public, thus rejuvenating his own stymied agenda while providing a face-saving way for Hamas to slip off the hardline hook it has inserted in its own pants and get to the negotiating table.

No doubt his was prompted by the growing inability of his government to function without Western funding, as well as by Ehud Olmert’s announcement that Israel could not wait forever and would, if it could not negotiate with a credible Palestinian government, impose its own final borders.

But you still have to give the guy credit for his insight and daring.

We wish him well and, of course, safe passage among the ever treacherous and ultimately self-destructive holdouts who populate his surroundings.

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing “”delightfully funny” and “witty” with “good, genuine laughs.”

A high school coach was looking forward to track season. As he assembled his class of young men to compete for the 100 yard dash, he had several boys line up for the start of the race. One boy seemed a bit shorter than the rest of the group, but the mismatch in size did not have much bearing on the exercise. The coach prepared his stopwatch, raised his hand and called out the sequence to start the race, blowing his whistle to signal the launch.

To the coach’s surprise, the first one across the finish line was the boy he had noted to be the shortest one in the line. As the coach looked at his stopwatch, he did a double-take. The time his watch showed for the race was faster than the school record for the varsity members of his track team, by a significant margin. Thinking he must have somehow delayed the start of his watch, or stopped it too early, the coach made a mental note to verify the results later, after the boys had a few minutes to rest up from their race. Later on, the coach lined up another group of boys which included the one who had registered such speed on the first round. As he started this race, the coach was careful to be sure the stopwatch was started and stopped precisely for the interval of the race. On this round, the short boy again registered the fastest time, and even slightly improved the previous mark.

At the end of the class, the coach took the boy aside from the rest of the class, and spoke to him about the possibility of trying out for the track team after school. The boy agreed to show up for the practice. When the time came to begin the team warm ups, the coach instructed the boys to take a lap around the track. As the group circled the track, the short boy fell far behind the rest of the pack, and was the last one to complete his lap. He seemed extremely winded from his run.

“Are you all right?” asked the coach.

“Yeah,” replied the boy, “I just need to catch my breath. If it’s all the same to you, Coach, I would rather do my running without having to go through this warm up stuff. I’ll run the 100 yards, but that’s about all I can do.”

The coach saw an immediate problem with this technique. Without the ability to run more than 100 yards and participate in warming up exercises, the coach felt he could not use the boy on his team for fear that he might be injured in a meet. Reluctantly, he decided to release the boy from the squad. He told the boy the reason for his decision, which did not appear to cause the young man any disappointment. Before the boy left the field, the coach could not resist satisfying his curiosity about the kid’s exceptional ability for short distance running without any kind of preparation.

“I’m curious about your talent, son. If you never warm up for a race, and you have never participated in a track meet, how did you develop such exceptional speed in short distance running?’

The boy did not hesitate in his reply, “I do better when someone is chasing me. I tease my brothers a lot, so I got pretty quick at running away from them. If they ever kept after me, they would eventually catch me and probably beat the crap out of me, but they never do. When I race, I just imagine they’re after me, and that is why I win.” It would be several more years before we figured out the secret to how to catch up with my brother.

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http://home.earthlink.net/~jdir

Have you ever wondered what it was like to live in pre-historic times? Probably not. These are the things I think about when I have to go grocery shopping and stand in line for twenty minutes. My husband will tell you that the only time I go to the grocery store is when we run out of carrots and apples for the horses or cat food for our feline pal, Bear. As you can tell, grocery shopping isn’t one of my favorite things to do.

When I was at the store today, in addition to the treats for the four-legged animals in our family, I picked up a package of ground beef and some salad stuff…you know…roots and leaves and twigs. When cave people wanted something to eat, the women had to gather roots and leaves and twigs and pound them on rocks to tenderize them. We buy them already packaged.

Cavemen had the hardest job of all. If they wanted ground beef with their leaves, roots and twigs, they had to catch a dinosaur for dinner. I suspect that’s how they spent most their day; gathering food, hoping to get back to their caves before becoming part of a tyrannosaurus’ main course.

So, the next time you have to go to the store for a couple of items for dinner, think about those cavemen and cavewomen. Standing in line to pay for your groceries is better than going out and catching a dinosaur and pounding your salad fixings on a rock. Go home, with groceries in hand, and give your spouse a big hug.

Happy writing!

Pamela Beers is a freelance writer, educator, and horse trainer who finds amusement in the most mundane things. Visit her website at http://www.pamelabeers.com